Transformed Again?

I was telling about how cruel and brutal my courseware was thrown back?

In fact, I went through a few 'shitty' weeks. Let me vent and I'll be enlighten!

With our previous courseware approved and accredited super-smoothly, I was inevitably confident this would too. Perhaps it was this expectation that led to my personal disappointment.  I had the AM (associate manager) listing out everything there were to be reviewed and I went through them meticulously and over a million times.  I had wanted the final and second submission to be seamless, at least, almost seamless.

This was what I received...

A total of 57 pointers to take note and make changes to. Although I had hoped it would be as simple as just making amendments as per highlighted by each pointer, many of those highlighted herewith, were asking me to review the methods or asking me to provide evidences etc. Just imagine this and more, multiplied by 3 pages...

The weeks I had undertaken to correct the courseware were unbearable.  It had kind of shaken my usual confidence and habit, and even, my passion in designing one.  I realized I was second-guessing myself with every little step I made or took to move forward.  I went through the materials over and over again and there was always something else I had to change again in order to feel comfortable. Everything became difficult.

Today, after 1 month of making the changes, I submitted the materials again.  When I clicked 'send' at 4.30pm, a sense of emptiness set in.  The rush and stress suddenly subsided and Dr P's face popped out and into my mind!  I was suddenly reminded of how Dr P made me feel so uncomfortable with facilitation during FAL. How I was suddenly made to be more aware of the usually-neglected little details like standing to a side at the flip-charts, body language and gestures and all.... how facilitation became difficult and conscious rather than easy-breezy. Yet despite all the uneasiness and uncomfrotable processes, we emerged more knowledgeable and confident than ever before during our Final Skills Practice! It was Transformational Learning then and NOW I finally understood, IT IS TRANSFORMATIONAL Learning now too!

I've been hit! It was painful and difficult! - that's stage 1. Isn't it?
I experienced 'Disorienting' and forced self-examination when the materials were thrown back. It hit hard.
I was uncomfortable and was detached from the passion to design courseware because it seemed so difficult and uninteresting for the 2 months - that's the 'Alienation' from my usual role in courseware developing!
When I finally reframed - My final words to my manager was, 'I'd want the final courseware to be even better than before knowing that could be used as a template or even, a benchmark for myself eventually!'
Re-integrated! I think I did.  I took the experience in stride and am rather pleased with the final version though I'm still waiting for the response from the AM.

It's amazing.
I experienced Transformational Learning while at work too!


It's strange I kept on thinking how Transformational Learning can be applied in my training because it seemed unsuitable in this context, yet I've experienced it myself and emerged better not once but twice. I'm truly amazed and wish I could bring this great sensation to my trainees.

A Few Things...

I kept on reminding myself, in training or facilitation, the facilitator and trainer will make a difference in the learners' learning. How we present ourselves and impart the skills and knowledge are also pretty much subjective in the eyes of the learners.

At such, after being 'hazy' in TNA & ID module.... I saw clearer pictures again from AS and now CBT. Perhaps the 2 facilitators who guided us through TNA & ID were just, not my style. I had to read the modules up all again by myself. But some of my coursemates have differing opinions of them too. We all have our own thoughts.

This made me think. How about myself? Did I give my trainees different learning thoughts too?

* * * * * * * * * *

Our assessment for TNA+ID+AS just went by. Nerve-wrecking? Of course. The usual nervousness and unsettling mind kicked in before, on and even after the assessment. I was extrememly worried knowing our assessor was going to be a caucasian. Why not? I have every reason to be worried. I'm not a good auditory person and conversing with someone who may speak with a different accent was about to kill me before I even start. However, it came and went by.

What I appreciate about Mr P, was the fact he gave constructive feedbacks on our strength and even weaknesses. Many a times, everyone just wants to hear the good things but good things don't help us improve. Mr P pointed out my specific weakness and I know I must work hard on them.

In fact, this assessment was the BIGGEST stress I've ever felt so far! But he made it worth going through. Thank you Mr P.

* * * * * * * * * *

At work, I've encounter a few more good things recently.

I've sent in my 2nd course for accreditation and it was cruelly thrown back. Did it hit my confidence level? Without a doubt. The feedbacks were seriously brutal. BUT I was fortunate. I embraced this rejection with an open-mind to learn and improve. The AM auditing the program was very 'fierce' but extremely kind. I felt he had intention to help me improve. He gave very harsh yet constructive feedbacks and I know if I could review them all, the courseware will turn out, at least, almost perfect.

Though I have questions in my head I couldn't answer, like how did my previous courseware went through smoothly and why not this time... I know there's no point dwelling. I'd rather channel my energy into making this one, better than the previous! And I'm excited because I know it will.

* * * * * * * * * *

In training, work and even life, we'd meet people who'd have said or do something to you, or had given you a certain minder... and when you look back, you'd realized they helped you grow and see things differently.

I've been blessed and I hope I could give back to my trainees.

Thank you.